Originally crafted 8-26-02 (a lost blog)
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10 things I learned since last year (with format apologies to Greil Marcus):
10. I love shrooms.
--You can only do them rarely, but if you do them, do them with gusto.
There’s this rollercoaster feeling... eight fucking hours of rolling and coasting. You trip, then you fall, but not very far before you find yourself tripping again... wave upon wave upon wave of trip, and -- yikes! -- fall.
I once did shrooms at the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam, and though that’s kinda like saying “I once saw a fight at a hockey game,” it’s still my trip (on my trip... to Amsterdam. First time in Europe). And it wasn’t like... “ooooooh, the colors,” but more like, wow... (yeah, “wow.” So what of it) look at the lines around the colors. Look at the brushtrokes in the colors!
The shrooms, as I recall, were named Philosopher’s Stones. A “soft drug “in the parlance of the Nederlanders, shrooms get a whole different treatment in Holland. No cheapo ziplock baggies for these fungi... no no no, rather they get sealed up like those vending machine sandwhiches, with labels and funky names. I got schooled in shrooms the day I bought them in Amsterdam.
But that was then, as Judy Blume sez... this is now.
Back to baggies, but the shrooms are no less wonderful in many ways.
Oh, well, ‘nuff about shrooms... I could go on and on ya know. But you really can only do them once in a great while.
9. Marijuana is wonderful.
This doesn’t need explaination, and I feel like anything saying would be redundant, ad absurdum, ad nauseum, etc.
Therefore, let’s just say that smoking it sucks... It’s bad for you, because smoking’s bad, because Joe Eszterhas sez so. But it’s too pricey to eat, so...
‘nuff said... no wait, ‘cause this leads to number eight: the usuable portion of marijuana is from the female plant. Gentlemen, this is the one woman that will never do you wrong (okay, she might give you cancer and tits (if’n you don’t work out), but she’ll never leave you for no apparent reason that is completely unfanthonable to you (or maybe that’s just the pot talkin’)...
8. Women are fucking--- fucking-- Fucking... weird, man!
Okay, I don’t hate or dislike women... the He-Man Women Hater’s Club won’t have me as a member, BUT... I must contend they do have some valid points in their overall constitution and house rules.
Actually, I think our species on the whole is kinda screwy, but women take our species’ knack for making each other miserable and re-define it... elevate it to an art form along the lines of a Joel Peter-Witkin photo.
Now Hotel, CA is a lonely, dusty, forlorn, beer-soaked, mota-smoked place anyway... there is a twang of melancholy in the air and women only make it worse by fucking with the minds of all men-folk.
Other than that... they’re wonderful. But you never know just what the fuck they are thinking which makes them confusing and somewhat dangerous.
Oh well... another one leaves, and I pull out the Hank Sr. albums.
7. The Red Sox play like schoolkids without supervision.
Can this team, my favorite for all the wrong reasons (and many right ones) ever get within an ass-hair of the fall classic ever again?
Thank the Cosmos for #9
6. The Yankees are robots from Hell.
It makes sense... just look at Derek Jeter’s rigidly fixed smile. It’s like Great Moments With Mr. Lincoln. Almost real, but real expensive... an expensive ROBOT!!! From Hell!!!!
They suck. But they win.
Damn them.
5. My Grandmother is right.
As I inch toward 35... Grams was right: the only thing that counts is your health.
Curse you #9!!!! But, why O why can I get a prescription for you!!!!
Anyway, if it wasn’t that it would be Vicodin. O those little Vikies!
Or Celebrex or Vioxx.... or-- Skeletor!!
All these prescription drugs are starting to sound like scrappings from the bottom of a screenwriter’s barrel... the one marked Superhero/Supreme Being. All bow, KNEEL TO CELEBREX!! You must SUBMIT TO LIPITOR!!
Resistance is futile, WE ARE ZOCOR!
Anyway, you always have your health, ‘til you lose it.
4. The Internet is still wonderful.
How did I ever get along without it.
Email, porn, blogs, porn, news, and so much other stuff... wow. What can you say about this thing that hasn’t already been said.
Suffice to say, whenever friends bitch at me for not writing... I just tell them about my collected works... Xian’s Emails. Now selling faster than Scientology books at your local Barnes and Noble... have a chapter with your latte.
3. The White Stripes are the most kick-ass rock band since the Pixies.
That is if you don’t count Nirvana and Sleater Kinney.
2. Celebrity Culture is smothering what’s left of our humanity.
We’ve all become walking parodies thanks to the likes of reality television. Perhaps it’s a sad turn of events for our species, perhaps not. History certianly does repeat itself, and prior centuries have been filled with all manner of star fucking and the celebration of fame, but nowadays it seems a bit more pernitious, insiduous and infectious.
********************************************
10 things I learned since last year (with format apologies to Greil Marcus):
10. I love shrooms.
--You can only do them rarely, but if you do them, do them with gusto.
There’s this rollercoaster feeling... eight fucking hours of rolling and coasting. You trip, then you fall, but not very far before you find yourself tripping again... wave upon wave upon wave of trip, and -- yikes! -- fall.
I once did shrooms at the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam, and though that’s kinda like saying “I once saw a fight at a hockey game,” it’s still my trip (on my trip... to Amsterdam. First time in Europe). And it wasn’t like... “ooooooh, the colors,” but more like, wow... (yeah, “wow.” So what of it) look at the lines around the colors. Look at the brushtrokes in the colors!
The shrooms, as I recall, were named Philosopher’s Stones. A “soft drug “in the parlance of the Nederlanders, shrooms get a whole different treatment in Holland. No cheapo ziplock baggies for these fungi... no no no, rather they get sealed up like those vending machine sandwhiches, with labels and funky names. I got schooled in shrooms the day I bought them in Amsterdam.
But that was then, as Judy Blume sez... this is now.
Back to baggies, but the shrooms are no less wonderful in many ways.
Oh, well, ‘nuff about shrooms... I could go on and on ya know. But you really can only do them once in a great while.
9. Marijuana is wonderful.
This doesn’t need explaination, and I feel like anything saying would be redundant, ad absurdum, ad nauseum, etc.
Therefore, let’s just say that smoking it sucks... It’s bad for you, because smoking’s bad, because Joe Eszterhas sez so. But it’s too pricey to eat, so...
‘nuff said... no wait, ‘cause this leads to number eight: the usuable portion of marijuana is from the female plant. Gentlemen, this is the one woman that will never do you wrong (okay, she might give you cancer and tits (if’n you don’t work out), but she’ll never leave you for no apparent reason that is completely unfanthonable to you (or maybe that’s just the pot talkin’)...
8. Women are fucking--- fucking-- Fucking... weird, man!
Okay, I don’t hate or dislike women... the He-Man Women Hater’s Club won’t have me as a member, BUT... I must contend they do have some valid points in their overall constitution and house rules.
Actually, I think our species on the whole is kinda screwy, but women take our species’ knack for making each other miserable and re-define it... elevate it to an art form along the lines of a Joel Peter-Witkin photo.
Now Hotel, CA is a lonely, dusty, forlorn, beer-soaked, mota-smoked place anyway... there is a twang of melancholy in the air and women only make it worse by fucking with the minds of all men-folk.
Other than that... they’re wonderful. But you never know just what the fuck they are thinking which makes them confusing and somewhat dangerous.
Oh well... another one leaves, and I pull out the Hank Sr. albums.
7. The Red Sox play like schoolkids without supervision.
Can this team, my favorite for all the wrong reasons (and many right ones) ever get within an ass-hair of the fall classic ever again?
Thank the Cosmos for #9
6. The Yankees are robots from Hell.
It makes sense... just look at Derek Jeter’s rigidly fixed smile. It’s like Great Moments With Mr. Lincoln. Almost real, but real expensive... an expensive ROBOT!!! From Hell!!!!
They suck. But they win.
Damn them.
5. My Grandmother is right.
As I inch toward 35... Grams was right: the only thing that counts is your health.
Curse you #9!!!! But, why O why can I get a prescription for you!!!!
Anyway, if it wasn’t that it would be Vicodin. O those little Vikies!
Or Celebrex or Vioxx.... or-- Skeletor!!
All these prescription drugs are starting to sound like scrappings from the bottom of a screenwriter’s barrel... the one marked Superhero/Supreme Being. All bow, KNEEL TO CELEBREX!! You must SUBMIT TO LIPITOR!!
Resistance is futile, WE ARE ZOCOR!
Anyway, you always have your health, ‘til you lose it.
4. The Internet is still wonderful.
How did I ever get along without it.
Email, porn, blogs, porn, news, and so much other stuff... wow. What can you say about this thing that hasn’t already been said.
Suffice to say, whenever friends bitch at me for not writing... I just tell them about my collected works... Xian’s Emails. Now selling faster than Scientology books at your local Barnes and Noble... have a chapter with your latte.
3. The White Stripes are the most kick-ass rock band since the Pixies.
That is if you don’t count Nirvana and Sleater Kinney.
2. Celebrity Culture is smothering what’s left of our humanity.
We’ve all become walking parodies thanks to the likes of reality television. Perhaps it’s a sad turn of events for our species, perhaps not. History certianly does repeat itself, and prior centuries have been filled with all manner of star fucking and the celebration of fame, but nowadays it seems a bit more pernitious, insiduous and infectious.
posted by Xian at 8:54 PM
